Life in the Fast Lane or Road Rage Road Rash?
Killer and I decided to stay at the beach last night, wake up at 5:am, and drive back to our place in a medium-sized metropolitan city in time to get her to work - as i mentioned previously, my start-up bombed recently, so I really don't have to be anywhere at anytime.
Allow me to digress for a moment. I'm only three posts into this and I think "Killer" needs a little explanation. She is a fierce warrior with a heart of gold. What I love about her is that she stands firm on her convictions. She LOVES people. She wants to help them ALL. She's compassionate, caring, and sensitive. However, she's no cute, precious, little pussy. Disagree with her ideologies and prepare to gain an understanding you've never had before. Anger her, cross her or otherwise raise her ire, and prepare to get your butt kicked. Killer. I like it. It gives me a warm fuzzy.
So...Killer and I drove from the beach back to our medium-sized metropolitan city at...well...6:am. We hit the snooze on the alarm several times before we actually heeded it's call, grabbed a couple of cups of coffee, gassed up @ $3.40/gal, and hit the open road. Open Road...what a crock.
I don't know about you, but doesn't everyone know by now that the Left Lane on freeways, highways, beltways, etc. is for traffic moving at a faster speed than everyone else. So, if you're cruising along in the left lane, passing traffic in the right lane, and someone comes up behind you that is moving faster, the appropriate thing to do is move to the right lane and let them pass. I do it. I'm by no means the fastest car moving on the road (I believe in having faster "cop bait" cruise ahead of me). However, there's a butt load of drivers out there that don't follow this rule! Why isn't there an ad campaign out there to raise awareness for this? Some states actually post signs "Slower Traffic Keep Right". But no one seems to understand what that means. Especially...now I know I'm going to alienate some people with this one...Blue Hairs. Nine times out of ten, some old fucker is hogging up the left lane, like it's his/her god given duty to FORCE everyone to drive the speed limit. Get the fuck out of the way!!!! If I want to get $10,000 speeding tickets, it's my business. Shut The Fuck Up, get in the right lane and let me get about my business.
Killer doesn't like it when I get upset in traffic. It makes her nervous. I can understand why. Sometimes I get so worked up that I begin to resemble Joe Pesci in the GoodFellas "get your shoeshine box" scene. The above act, along with pull in front of me and slow down, is enough to get me to drag one of these fuckers out of their cars and beat the living shit out of them. It's completely irrational on my part. I totally understand that. I was a vision of calm when I started writing this post. Read the sweet things I said about Killer three paragraphs up. Now, having written about this, my face is red, heart beat accelerated, and sweat is breaking out on my brow.
I detest, no...I HATE being cock-blocked. The move that is sure to get me to behave irrationally is when one of these pricks refuses to speed up, so I try to pass them in the right lane and they speed up so I can't get around them. What the fuck is that? Are you begging me to flip out and lose control?!?! Let me pass. Trust me, it will be no skin off your ass if I get around you and reach my destination 15 minutes earlier. In fact, I'll probably think nice thoughts about you as I watch you fade into my rear view mirror.
Look, I'm not an unreasonable guy, believe it or not. I would never cause physical harm to someone...unnecessarily. I can't stand it when I get riled up like this. I just want to get where I need to be with a minimum amount of bullshit on the way.
Let's all be courteous and help each other. Assist me in getting to my destination 15 minutes earlier and I promise to make sure that my excessive speed collision won't involve you. As an added benefit, Killer may finally be able to stop popping Valium at every milepost marker.
Allow me to digress for a moment. I'm only three posts into this and I think "Killer" needs a little explanation. She is a fierce warrior with a heart of gold. What I love about her is that she stands firm on her convictions. She LOVES people. She wants to help them ALL. She's compassionate, caring, and sensitive. However, she's no cute, precious, little pussy. Disagree with her ideologies and prepare to gain an understanding you've never had before. Anger her, cross her or otherwise raise her ire, and prepare to get your butt kicked. Killer. I like it. It gives me a warm fuzzy.
So...Killer and I drove from the beach back to our medium-sized metropolitan city at...well...6:am. We hit the snooze on the alarm several times before we actually heeded it's call, grabbed a couple of cups of coffee, gassed up @ $3.40/gal, and hit the open road. Open Road...what a crock.
I don't know about you, but doesn't everyone know by now that the Left Lane on freeways, highways, beltways, etc. is for traffic moving at a faster speed than everyone else. So, if you're cruising along in the left lane, passing traffic in the right lane, and someone comes up behind you that is moving faster, the appropriate thing to do is move to the right lane and let them pass. I do it. I'm by no means the fastest car moving on the road (I believe in having faster "cop bait" cruise ahead of me). However, there's a butt load of drivers out there that don't follow this rule! Why isn't there an ad campaign out there to raise awareness for this? Some states actually post signs "Slower Traffic Keep Right". But no one seems to understand what that means. Especially...now I know I'm going to alienate some people with this one...Blue Hairs. Nine times out of ten, some old fucker is hogging up the left lane, like it's his/her god given duty to FORCE everyone to drive the speed limit. Get the fuck out of the way!!!! If I want to get $10,000 speeding tickets, it's my business. Shut The Fuck Up, get in the right lane and let me get about my business.
Killer doesn't like it when I get upset in traffic. It makes her nervous. I can understand why. Sometimes I get so worked up that I begin to resemble Joe Pesci in the GoodFellas "get your shoeshine box" scene. The above act, along with pull in front of me and slow down, is enough to get me to drag one of these fuckers out of their cars and beat the living shit out of them. It's completely irrational on my part. I totally understand that. I was a vision of calm when I started writing this post. Read the sweet things I said about Killer three paragraphs up. Now, having written about this, my face is red, heart beat accelerated, and sweat is breaking out on my brow.
I detest, no...I HATE being cock-blocked. The move that is sure to get me to behave irrationally is when one of these pricks refuses to speed up, so I try to pass them in the right lane and they speed up so I can't get around them. What the fuck is that? Are you begging me to flip out and lose control?!?! Let me pass. Trust me, it will be no skin off your ass if I get around you and reach my destination 15 minutes earlier. In fact, I'll probably think nice thoughts about you as I watch you fade into my rear view mirror.
Look, I'm not an unreasonable guy, believe it or not. I would never cause physical harm to someone...unnecessarily. I can't stand it when I get riled up like this. I just want to get where I need to be with a minimum amount of bullshit on the way.
Let's all be courteous and help each other. Assist me in getting to my destination 15 minutes earlier and I promise to make sure that my excessive speed collision won't involve you. As an added benefit, Killer may finally be able to stop popping Valium at every milepost marker.
posted by David Ess at 11:31 PM
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